October 15 is National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day
♥ Please take a moment today to remember those who hold their babies in their hearts and not their arms.
Anger, Frustration, Confusion, Fear, Grief are all feelings I have dealt with in the past 6 months.
The loss of a pregnancy is never easy. The loss of 2 pregnancies in 6 months is painful.
After 14 years together Dan and I began TTC (trying to conceive) in April.
We found out we were pregnant on May 16th. We were thrilled.
I calculated that I was 5 weeks pregnant and we scheduled our 1st ultrasound for June 1st when I'd be 7 weeks and 2 days. I remember June 1st like it was yesterday. I was both nervous and excited. As the ultrasound was being performed I remember the nurse's facial expression. She wasn't smiling like she had been just a few minutes before. She was looking really closely at the monitor and I could tell something was wrong. She didn't like what she was seeing or rather what she was not seeing. Our baby had no heartbeat. I can still hear the words, "Oh I'm so sorry, but I don't see a heartbeat". We were shocked, then the tears came. What? This isn't supposed to happen. N
On October 3rd we found out we were pregnant again. I calculated that I was 4 weeks and 2 days. We were so excited.
3 days later I started spotting and then bleeding. I tried not to freak out, but having gone through a loss you can't help but worry. I think this pregnancy was a chemical pregnancy. Thinking back I should not have tested early and should have waited to test until after my period had been late, but I did test early and it read PREGNANT so I still went through some pain and crying.
Questions flood my mind with why this happens and whether we will be able to have a baby of our own. I want nothing more than to have a baby with Dan, but for some reason we are unable to have a baby of our own we will happily adopt.