I'm tired. This mommy business has been rough the past few days. I know, I know. This too shall pass, but it's hard to see that when you are in the thick of it. It's like a 9-month test, a test that measures if I'm really cut out for this. She consumes all of my time. I'm a stay-at-home mama. This is my job. But this is a job where I don't get to clock out, I don't get to leave. I feel like I'm doing most of the work. Is that normal? Is that a mom's role? Sure Dan helps out the best he can, but this kid only wants me and it drives me crazy sometimes. She looks for me when I step away, while in her dad's arms she stares at me until I acknowledge her, I'm the only one who can do bed time.
After a night of my kid not wanting to fall asleep until11:30 p.m., a failed attempt at CIO and then her waking at 6:00 a.m. and screaming her head off when I went to put her back in her crib, then trying to sleep on the glider with a very active sleeping infant I woke up this morning with the thought of wanting to run away. I must have hit that point that many parents do.
It's not just her. It's everything.
I'm tired of having a high-needs baby who only wants me all.the.time.
I'm tired of sleepless nights.
I'm tired of my unorganized home.
I'm tired of three-story living.
I'm tired of my husband's starving artist career.
I'm tired of the messy garage.
I'm tired of having a sore back and sore knees.
I'm tired of carrying a 21 lb. baby.
I'm tired of having to care for 2 geriatric dogs.
I'm tired of naps being taken in my arms.
I'm tired of not being able to clean house because naps are taken in my arms.
I'm tired of being the only one capable of cleaning the house.
I'm tired of only having 1 car.
I'm tired of having an unfinished nursery.
I'm tired of said nursery being in the open loft.
I'm tired of in-laws.
I'm tired of not having any "me" time.
I'm tired of rushing through showers.
I'm tired of not being able to fix my hair.
I'm tired of always having to entertain my child.
I'm tired of being a parent.
I'm tired of the responsibility.
I'm tired of having someone depend on me.
I'm just tired.
After a quick breakfast & potty break, I was able to see past the rough days/nights and smile at and laugh with my daughter. I know I'll have these moments. I know it's normal. It sucks to feel all of this, but it feels good to get it all out too. It's hard not letting the little things get to me.
I'm always telling mommies to be sure to take time for themselves. It looks like I need to take my own advice. And maybe I won't run away just yet, but I just might have to rethink having another. ;-)
Thursday, July 26, 2012
I just wanted to share 2 videos of my girl.
The first was taken a few weeks ago and it is her reaction to her new car seat. I just love that high-pitched sound she makes. It's kind of her thing. She does it all the time and it makes everyone laugh.
And the second is just Olive being Olive and her amazing laughter. :)
Monday, July 23, 2012
Age: 9 monthsWeight: 21 lbs. (84th percentile)
Height: 27.75 inches (57th percentile)
Clothing: sizes 9 & 12 months and some 6 month onesies.
Clothing: sizes 9 & 12 months and some 6 month onesies.
Head circumference: 17.91 inches (88th percentile)
Sleeping: Again, many nights this month have been spent on the glider. I think her teeth have been irritating her and she wakes up screaming in the middle of the night. Naps are still taken in mama's arms and kind of off schedule. I used to know when nap time would be, but now they are kind of all over the place.
Eating habits: Nursing. She is eating solids twice a day (lunch & dinner) with snacks in between. Right now she prefers fruit over vegetables and prefers cut up fruits/vegetables over pureed food. I don't blame her.
Favorite activity: She loves "walking" around the house, biting on everything and her stackable cups. She enjoys playing in her PNP. She loves Murray from Sesame Street and Po from Kung Fu Panda. She enjoys petting (a little too hard sometimes) her siblings and chasing them around the house.
Cutest Moment of the Month: Walking and seeing her face light up when she takes those steps. Fake coughing to get attention from somebody and laughing out loud because she thinks it's funny. And when she pulls my shirt out and looks inside or bites the outside of my shirt to let me know she wants to nurse. :)
Pulls up to standing position from sitting
Sits for a prolonged time (10minutes)
May develop a preference for use of one hand
Uses thumb and index finger to pick up objects
Responds to simple verbal commands
Comprehends "no no"
Increased interest in pleasing parents
Puts arms in front of face to avoid having it washed
Firsts: She got her 1st tooth at about 8.5 months and the 2nd bottom one came out today. She fell asleep on her Papa for the 1st time and has done it a few times now. And you took your 1st unassisted steps last night, but we didn't get it on camera. Next time! She pulled herself up to the ottoman and is continuing to practice pulling herself up on things.
Updates: Olive is a talker. I think she's going to be a lot like her daddy and will enjoy making me laugh. :) She started cruising this month and actually took her 1st unassisted steps last night (1 day before her 9 month birthday!). She stands unassisted for a few seconds. Thanks to the help of her mama, her dinosaur walker, her walking wings and Olive's determination I think she'll be walking really soon. Aaaah! My anxiety level went up a ton. Now that she knows she can get around by "walking" she absolutely hates her RNP which is where I used to have her sit while I bathed. I think it's the reclined position that she hates which is one reason we switched her to a convertible car seat. She prefers it over her infant car seat right now. She is beginning to sit up from a lying down position. She still has not crawled, but has begun putting one knee up kind of like in a frog pose if that makes sense. My mom said I didn't like putting my knees on the ground when I was a baby and Olive is the same way. She started clapping and dancing and it is absolutely adorable. She waves hi/bye. She loves to cough to get our attention and when we respond with a cough she just cracks up. Her laughter is amazing and contagious. She's a mama's girl. Even though it wears me out at times I kind of love it because I know that one day all she'll want is daddy. I'll enjoy this moment while it lasts. I just love this little girl and can't imagine my life without her. It's amazing how much she has changed in just one month!
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Olive only has 1 living great grandmother.
Olive has visited with her two times since she has been born.
Olive loves her Ouida. :)
It is so rare for Olive to be comfortable around others so we found it funny how much she enjoys visiting with her great grandmother.
They have a special relationship. :)
I love this picture.