Sunday, July 29, 2012

Tired

I'm tired. This mommy business has been rough the past few days. I know, I know. This too shall pass, but it's hard to see that when you are in the thick of it. It's like a 9-month test, a test that measures if I'm really cut out for this. She consumes all of my time. I'm a stay-at-home mama. This is my job. But this is a job where I don't get to clock out, I don't get to leave. I feel like I'm doing most of the work. Is that normal? Is that a mom's role? Sure Dan helps out the best he can, but this kid only wants me and it drives me crazy sometimes. She looks for me when I step away, while in her dad's arms she stares at me until I acknowledge her, I'm the only one who can do bed time.

After a night of my kid not wanting to fall asleep until11:30 p.m., a failed attempt at CIO and then her waking at 6:00 a.m. and screaming her head off when I went to put her back in her crib, then trying to sleep on the glider with a very active sleeping infant I woke up this morning with the thought of wanting to run away. I must have hit that point that many parents do.

It's not just her. It's everything.

I'm tired of having a high-needs baby who only wants me all.the.time.
I'm tired of sleepless nights.
I'm tired of my unorganized home.
I'm tired of three-story living.
I'm tired of my husband's starving artist career.
I'm tired of the messy garage.
I'm tired of having a sore back and sore knees.
I'm tired of carrying a 21 lb. baby.
I'm tired of having to care for 2 geriatric dogs.
I'm tired of naps being taken in my arms.
I'm tired of not being able to clean house because naps are taken in my arms.
I'm tired of being the only one capable of cleaning the house.
I'm tired of only having 1 car.
I'm tired of having an unfinished nursery.
I'm tired of said nursery being in the open loft.
I'm tired of in-laws.
I'm tired of not having any "me" time.
I'm tired of rushing through showers.
I'm tired of not being able to fix my hair.
I'm tired of always having to entertain my child.
I'm tired of being a parent.
I'm tired of the responsibility.
I'm tired of having someone depend on me.
I'm just tired.

After a quick breakfast & potty break, I was able to see past the rough days/nights and smile at and laugh with my daughter. I know I'll have these moments. I know it's normal. It sucks to feel all of this, but it feels good to get it all out too. It's hard not letting the little things get to me.

I'm always telling mommies to be sure to take time for themselves. It looks like I need to take my own advice. And maybe I won't run away just yet, but I just might have to rethink having another. ;-)

6 comments:

april said...

Oh girl, I wish I could hug you right now. Know that you're not the only mama that feels this way. It's hard. Really damn hard. I hope you get some 'me' time really soon!

Sara said...

Parenthood is hard and of course some days harder than others. It's normal that you are feeling this way...we all do. Sending you (((HUGS))) I'm here for you if you ever need to chat!

Anonymous said...

Hang in there, all will get better. Parenthood can get stressful at times. Just know that Nana & PohPoh are just a call away.
xoxo
Mama S

The Brennan Family said...

::Hugs:: I know exactly how you feel. There are definitely times when I feel like throwing in the towel, but then I look at their sweet faces, and some how the stress seems to melt away. Hang in there, it has to get easier at some point, right?!?!

Jessica said...

Just catching up on all my blogging. Since this was several days ago, I hope things have improved. I've definitely been there. Heck, I'm still there some days! I'm the one the kids cry and call for 99% of the time. On one hand, it makes me feel good that they love me so much. One the other hand, I just want to be able to go to the bathroom, take a shower, eat and breath without a kid clinging on to me!

Hope you get some "me" time soon! You definitely should book yourself a spa day or shopping day ASAP. I'm sure Dan wouldn't mind some daddy-daughter time with sweet Liv!

Regina said...

I definitely have many days when I feel like this. Hope this has been a better month for you and this feeling comes much less often. I can't believe your sweet girl is almost 10 months (and mind is almost 9 months)! Wish I could meet you both in person...if ever you are in Cali!...xo