I'm tired. This mommy business has been rough the past few days. I know, I know. This too shall pass, but it's hard to see that when you are in the thick of it. It's like a 9-month test, a test that measures if I'm really cut out for this. She consumes all of my time. I'm a stay-at-home mama. This is my job. But this is a job where I don't get to clock out, I don't get to leave. I feel like I'm doing most of the work. Is that normal? Is that a mom's role? Sure Dan helps out the best he can, but this kid only wants me and it drives me crazy sometimes. She looks for me when I step away, while in her dad's arms she stares at me until I acknowledge her, I'm the only one who can do bed time.
After a night of my kid not wanting to fall asleep until11:30 p.m., a failed attempt at CIO and then her waking at 6:00 a.m. and screaming her head off when I went to put her back in her crib, then trying to sleep on the glider with a very active sleeping infant I woke up this morning with the thought of wanting to run away. I must have hit that point that many parents do.
It's not just her. It's everything.
I'm tired of having a high-needs baby who only wants me all.the.time.
I'm tired of sleepless nights.
I'm tired of my unorganized home.
I'm tired of three-story living.
I'm tired of my husband's starving artist career.
I'm tired of the messy garage.
I'm tired of having a sore back and sore knees.
I'm tired of carrying a 21 lb. baby.
I'm tired of having to care for 2 geriatric dogs.
I'm tired of naps being taken in my arms.
I'm tired of not being able to clean house because naps are taken in my arms.
I'm tired of being the only one capable of cleaning the house.
I'm tired of only having 1 car.
I'm tired of having an unfinished nursery.
I'm tired of said nursery being in the open loft.
I'm tired of in-laws.
I'm tired of not having any "me" time.
I'm tired of rushing through showers.
I'm tired of not being able to fix my hair.
I'm tired of always having to entertain my child.
I'm tired of being a parent.
I'm tired of the responsibility.
I'm tired of having someone depend on me.
I'm just tired.
After a quick breakfast & potty break, I was able to see past the rough days/nights and smile at and laugh with my daughter. I know I'll have these moments. I know it's normal. It sucks to feel all of this, but it feels good to get it all out too. It's hard not letting the little things get to me.
I'm always telling mommies to be sure to take time for themselves. It looks like I need to take my own advice. And maybe I won't run away just yet, but I just might have to rethink having another. ;-)
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